‘I Feel Like a Virgin Again’: Rachael Kirkconnell Explains Why She’s Embracing Celibacy After Matt James

Rachael Kirkconnell has opened up about her personal life, revealing that she hasn’t had sex for years—even during the final stretch of her four-year relationship with former Bachelor star Matt James. The reality TV alum made the revelation on the Oct. 16 episode of the Extra Dirty podcast, where she discussed celibacy, heartbreak, and her decision to wait for the right person.

The 28-year-old, who dated Matt James from 2021 until their breakup in January 2025, surprised fans by admitting that her dry spell began long before the split. “It’s been years. Years. It has been so long,” she said, describing how the absence of intimacy has made her feel “like a virgin again.”

Rachael Kirkconnell on Choosing Celibacy After Matt James Relationship

Speaking candidly with host Hallie Batchelder, Rachael explained that she no longer feels comfortable having casual hookups after such a long period without sex. “It’s been so long that I want it to be incredible,” she said, emphasizing that emotional connection now matters more to her than physical attraction. “It has to be special, even if I have to go through another heartbreak.”

Rachael’s comments come months after her highly publicized breakup with Matt James, who she met on The Bachelor. Their relationship started in 2021 and lasted four years, though it was not without controversy or challenges. In previous interviews, Rachael revealed that the pair had even discussed engagement and starting a family before ultimately deciding to part ways.

During a January appearance on Call Her Daddy, she said Matt encouraged her to start looking at engagement rings—a moment she saw as a sign of commitment. However, things changed during their trip to Tokyo, where a series of arguments led to a deeper realization that their relationship was nearing its end. According to Rachael, Matt eventually told her he didn’t see himself marrying her, adding, “I can’t actually see myself proposing to you.”

Inside the Breakup and Rachael’s New Outlook

Rachael later revealed that she learned about Matt’s breakup announcement from social media while boarding a plane—only realizing their split had gone public when she saw his Instagram post before losing Wi-Fi for 12 hours. “I was freaking out,” she said. “It was surreal that the world knew before I could even process it myself.”

Since then, Rachael has focused on rebuilding her confidence and prioritizing self-respect. Speaking to E! News in May, she shared that the experience taught her “not to put yourself aside for someone else” and to stand up for what you deserve in love. While she forgives Matt, she made it clear that reconciliation isn’t an option: “When someone says, ‘I don’t see you as my person,’ that’s when you have to call it quits.”

Now, Rachael says she’s content being single and celibate, describing herself as someone who wants deep emotional bonds. “I would just say I’m looking for someone who’s very considerate, respectful, and supportive,” she said. For now, she’s taking her time before opening up to love—or intimacy—again.

Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James may have ended their relationship, but her candid reflections show a new chapter of independence and self-worth. For Bachelor Nation fans, her honesty offers a rare, grounded look at life after reality TV romance.

FYI (keeping you in the loop)-

Q1: How long did Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James date?

They dated for about four years, from early 2021 until their breakup in January 2025.

Q2: Why did Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James break up?

Rachael said Matt told her he couldn’t see himself proposing to her or getting married, which led to their split.

Q3: What did Rachael Kirkconnell say about her sex life?

She revealed that she hasn’t had sex in years, even before her breakup, saying she wants to wait for the right emotional connection.

Q4: Has Rachael Kirkconnell spoken to Matt James since the breakup?

Yes, she said they’ve spoken and that Matt acknowledged his social media breakup post was not the right decision.

Q5: Is Rachael Kirkconnell dating anyone now?

No, she said she’s not currently seeing anyone and is focused on finding a meaningful connection in the future.