Why Women Reject ‘Nightlife Tax’ and Other Social Norms

For generations, women absorbed a dangerous message: endure the pain, the disrespect, the imbalance – it’s just part of being a woman. A recent viral Reddit thread, exploding with over 12,000 raw responses, shattered this myth. Countless women shared experiences they once believed were universal burdens, only to realize later they were signs of serious health issues, systemic sexism, or outright abuse. Their stories highlight a critical need to question societal norms and prioritize well-being.

Health Revelations: Pain Is Not a Mandate

Perhaps the most alarming confessions centered on physical health dismissed as “normal.” Many women described excruciating period pain, believing suffering was inevitable. “Period pain. Every adult woman would tell me that period pain was normal. Mine were so severe I would cry, throw up, and one time even pass out. Turns out it was endometriosis,” shared one Redditor. Medical experts like the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG, 2023 guidelines) consistently stress that severe menstrual pain disrupting daily life warrants medical investigation, often pointing to conditions like endometriosis or adenomyosis.

Similarly, debilitating PMS symptoms were often minimized. “Thought that being suicidal during the premenstrual period was normal. Turns out, most people don’t suffer from mood swings that extreme,” revealed another user, highlighting potential conditions like PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) requiring specialized care. The normalization extended to painful sex, described by one woman who endured it under pressure from a partner: “I would just put a pillow over my face so he wouldn’t see me grimace in pain.” Gynecologists emphasize that persistent pain during intercourse is not normal and necessitates evaluation for causes ranging from infections to pelvic floor dysfunction.

Societal Pressures and Systemic Disregard

Beyond physical pain, women described profound normalization of mistreatment and imbalance. Many believed enduring sexual harassment was an unavoidable tax on existence. “I used to think every woman just quietly accepted being groped at clubs,” admitted one user. This aligns with grim statistics; a 2018 survey by Stop Street Harassment found 81% of US women experienced sexual harassment. While common, experts in gender-based violence stress it is never acceptable and constitutes a violation.

Professional environments revealed patterns of systemic disregard. “Never being trusted that the answer we give is the correct one… They believe him, why not me?” lamented a user in a male-dominated field. Psychologists note this “credibility deficit” faced by women erodes confidence and career advancement. At home, the burden of being the “default person” for household management, emotional labor, and logistics was frequently cited as an exhausting norm: “I make lunch and dinner each day? Meh, that’s just normal. He makes dinner once? Expects a parade!”

Crucially, many women described internalizing gaslighting, believing their feelings or boundaries were unreasonable. “Putting up with a spouse who not only wouldn’t respect seemingly normal boundaries, but trying to make me feel like I was the one who was wrong,” shared a user now divorcing. Therapists specializing in relational trauma confirm this pattern erodes self-worth and enables abuse. The pervasive feeling of “walking on eggshells” or facing constant yelling was also tragically common.

The core lesson from these thousands of voices is stark: suffering, disrespect, and imbalance are not female destiny. Questioning what society labels “normal” is essential. Persistent pain, harassment, professional disregard, emotional manipulation, and unequal domestic burdens are signals – signals demanding attention, medical intervention, boundary setting, or systemic change. Recognizing these “toxic experiences” as abnormal is the crucial first step toward demanding better health care, equitable relationships, and respectful treatment. Listen to your body and your instincts; if it feels wrong, it probably is.

Must Know

1. What kind of period pain is NOT normal? Pain so severe it causes vomiting, fainting, or prevents daily activities (like school or work) is not normal. While some cramping is common, debilitating pain often signals underlying conditions like endometriosis or fibroids. Consult a gynecologist or healthcare provider immediately if you experience this. Organizations like the Endometriosis Foundation of America provide crucial resources.
2. Is enduring sexual harassment or assault really common? Sadly, yes, prevalence is high (e.g., Stop Street Harassment 2018 survey: 81% of US women). However, common does not mean normal or acceptable. It is a violation. Resources like RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offer support and guidance.
3. Why do women often feel their pain is dismissed medically? Studies, including research published in the Journal of Women’s Health (2021), document a gender bias in pain management. Women’s reports of pain are often taken less seriously or attributed to psychological factors. Persist, seek second opinions, and find providers who listen.
4. What does “being the default person” mean? It refers to the invisible, often unacknowledged labor – mental and physical – typically falling on women in households. This includes managing schedules, remembering appointments, anticipating needs, planning meals, and organizing family life, on top of their own responsibilities. Sociologists like Dr. Allison Daminger have extensively documented this phenomenon.
5. How can I tell if I’m experiencing emotional manipulation in a relationship? Key signs include constant criticism, blame-shifting, invalidation of your feelings (“you’re too sensitive”), gaslighting (making you doubt your reality), guilt-tripping, and disregard for your boundaries. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, support, and open communication. Therapists specializing in relational dynamics can help identify patterns.